Area 51

Beautiful Las Vegas.  I always wanted to see area 51 and this was a perfect chance. Rachel Nevada is roughly two hours northwest of Vegas, or so I thought. The first alien thing that I came into contact with was our rental car, it was a Toyota, the first import that I had ever driven. We rented the car from the agency at the hotel, it was cheap enough, $79.00 a day with unlimited mileage. We hit the road and turned on our trusty GPS unit, a Garmin 250.  Sure enough the unit could not find the town of Rachel.  So we did what every other red blooded American would do, we stopped and ate lunch. As serendipity would have it a bread truck was making a delivery at the restaurant so I asked the driver if he knew where Rachael was. He smiled and said, "Area 51?"
I said, "yep."
He said with a smile, "It doesn't exist."
I asked, "the town?" I was sort of confused by now.
Smiling he said, "Nope, the town is there.  Not much to see."  And then he gave me directions.

So we set off, our bellies full from a good Mexican lunch we headed off into the desert.  I mean nothing, miles and miles of pure American southwest nothing. Joshuah trees dot the landscape, brown rocks, red ones, and white ones litter the ground. Mountains with snow capped peaks; breathtaking beauty.  After about 150 miles of this we hit the Extraterrestrial highway. I kid you not, that is the name of the road. It is a big sign with a UFO on it and a bunch of "I was here" graffiti. So now we were on this God-forsaken Highway with the same nothing on each side, until we seen them. There they were right on the side of the road. Cows.  Some of the biggest and blackest cows with horns I have ever seen. Out in the middle of nowhere, black cows just waiting for a UFO to come by and beam them up into space to do what ever they do with cows. We continue our quest.  A few miles down from the cows we see on our left a major, almost dare I say, religious UFO mythology artifact of the road: The Black Mailbox. Of course the black mailbox is white and behind the mailbox is the road to OZ, the road that leads to the camo dudes, the watchers, the holy grail, Area 51.   The mailbox is as I said white and it is not the "original" box just a welded steel box with a padlock. But I guess alien  hunters like to meet here to plan their assault on Area 51. 

The Black Box.

The box has graffiti and stickers and all sorts of little notes to other seekers of Area 51. We hop back into the white Toyota and continue down the road.  Rachel sits in a dish surrounded by mountains. We come up to the edge of the town and turn down the a drive/road/street type deal past a small box of a church and trailers that people call home.  A fence sits to my right with the eclectic detritus of leftover life used now as someones idea of artwork. At the end of the road we come upon a heard of antelope contently grazing. We are looking for the "Little Alien Inn" and we wonder if we are in the right place or even on the right planet. A dog follows the car along the inside of a fence but it can't make up its mind if it wants to be friendly or not. We come up to the Inn.  Yes, this is the same one you will see in the movie Paul. A row of trailers in the back, this is the Inn. We are told by the bar maid that "Legitimate Investigators" of Area 51 often stay here, including, I kid you not, CIA agents. I ask, with complete sincerity I might add, how they would know that they are CIA.  I am told with a straight face that it was a secret and they would tell me but then they would have to kill me.  Inside the walls of the bar/restaurant are covered with interesting photos of ufo's and astronauts, signed artwork and pictures of aliens. The beer is cold and taste great. Enigmatic long haired people walk in and out.  "Investigators" who ancient VW bus has broken down wait for a tow truck from 70 miles away. The only other tow truck within 70 miles is out front, by the sign, holding up a ufo. This is great; I am happy, and all is right with the world.  We stay for a while to soak up the ambiance of the place and we listen to the tough "I've seen it all" barmaid get smart with the clientele. We have a few beers, buy a few T-shirts and leave. On the way home the cows are gone.